


Battle of the Bands: The Homophobic Goblet of Fire

by Calicornia



Category: Naruto, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-09-30 21:54:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20454146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calicornia/pseuds/Calicornia
Summary: The Mistafits and At the Bus Stop have beef for too long in this vegan household.Prepare for some clouds, with a chance of teen angst.





	1. Chapter 1

Guy Sensei was seizing in the mosh pit, he'd eaten too much sushi. The concert hadn't even started yet, but the ambulance was already there. Yoshikage braced himself as the paramedics narrowly missed him while picking up his husband.

Koichi.

Koichi's koichimobile was on the prowl, making sure no one got heat stroke. This battle of the bands was gonna be hot. Super hot.

"Time only moves when I move!" Dio shouted as he tested the mic, the eardrums of Guido Mista ringing from the noise. Both the Guido and the Mista shook in anticipation. Their band, The Mistafits, was due to perform alongside At the Bus Stop. 

"Their band." Koichi cried, "It sucks ass but I have to listen to it or else I'll become unemployed and have to turn back to selling drugs to Okuyasu..."

"Why are you selling drugs to Okuyasu?" Rohan filed his spaghetti, "That's the Rohan version of spilling the tea."

"My mother told me it was a good idea."

Koichi flashback time.

* * *

It was Nineteen Eighty Koichi, or 198Koichi. Koichi was at the venue for his favorite band: The Koichifits

"The Koichifits are disbanding everyone!" The yelled as the structural integrity was straightened out completely. Koichi's mom cried real tears, her water tears. Her water broke.

Koichi was born prematurely as a result of this event.

"He's gonna sell drugs to Okuyasu." The Oracle said. His marsupial hands held Koichi, handing him back to his mother.

Wrong move Crash Bandicoot, you just swapped babies.

Mista Koichi?

Guido Koichi Mista?

Guido Mista Hirose Koichi!

Hiro say.

* * *

It was the Anasui again.

* * *

It was the present again. Koichi himself had passed out from the heat, and it was time for the battle of the meat beating bands.

A man in skin tight leopard pants came out. Another man in skin tight leopard

Fuck

Its a tiger

A man in skin tight tiger pants came out of not just the closet but the wardrobe. His similarly dressed colleague came out dressed the same. And then another one. And another one.

"We are the Mistafits!" Screamed Fake Dj Khaled, who possed the Guido 5 years ago. "And we're here to take some shits!"

Koichi cried, he heard shift. He can't lose this job, Okuyasu has been clean for 18 years.

At the Bus Stop was on stage before it was a stage. All Might held Josuke Metallica in his buff arms, he coughed up blood and created a cloud of smoke. How punk. In their place was a skeleton man and Josuke Metallica on the floor.

"We are At the Bus Stop, this next song is called 'Harry did you put your name in the homophobic goblet of fire'"

Harry cried, he did. He just didn't wanna get called out on it. 

"SHIIIIIIIIIINEEEEE!!!" Bakugo screamed on his livestream, he was watching the show via drone. Koichi has sinned, and was therefore unconcious and could not stop him.

"Ugggghhhh." Koichi gurgled, "I can't believe we live in a society."

"My name is Cloud

I'm really loud!"

The Mistafits sung in defiance, At the Bus Stop replying in compliance.

"I don't know

Why my mom is a hoe!"

The Mista was blown off the stage from the sheer force of Josuke Metallica's lyricism. The Guido stood firm, and shredded his cheese.

"Oh no

Koichi's gotta go!"

All Might died of dysentery, Koichi crawling to his aid. Wrong move, Hirose, you're in a band now.

"Koichi was about to welcome them into the black parade

Nothing rhymes with parade."

Josuke Metallica screamed, Guy Sensei bursting out of the ambulance. Kira's boner. The levels of angst were hitting critical mass. The cake baked, the ground quaked, and Jotaro's ass shaked.

"Can nothing stop this madness?" Rohan said monotonously. He didn't give a shit, but he was pretending to.

Suddenly, a cloud of smoke appeared, and from it emerged a young man.

"Brother, stop this madness. Dad is making lasagna tonight." The silhouette echoed with ambience.

Josuke Metallica's eyes widened. It couldn't be.

It was Strapping Young Okuyasu Slipknot.

Koichi died of dysentery.


	2. Chapter 2

Koichi no longer fits, he's by definition a misfit. Oh yeah. The enternal hubris of hell baby. Its time to burn, Hirose.  
"Oh no!" Joseph cried over Koichi's soggy body, his gurgle churgled. Guy Sensei's dehydration was taking him down, the firey pits of hell awaited for him.  
Remember the time you peed in the trashcan, Maito? Well you're the trashcan now!  
The year was twentypiss, and twentytrashcan at the same time. Lars Barriga cried on stage, he missed his hushand.  
"Wait! Josuke Metallica looks like Kira, and Okuyasu Slipknot looks like Josefumi!" Koichi's corpse coughed out. He was the oracle. Time to fuse, Metallica Slipknot.


End file.
